Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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