If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize