One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
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i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
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I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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