note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
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Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
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I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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