What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize