So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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