You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
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I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
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Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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