I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
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I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
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Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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