apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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