I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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