the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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