Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
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Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
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Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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