Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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