Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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