if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize