you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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