I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize