This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this must be what syphilis tastes like
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I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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