I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Be still, my beating vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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