btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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