i wish starbucks made bloody marys
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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