The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize