Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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