She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
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Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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