1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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