tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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