Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
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her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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