if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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