I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
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