my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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