I'm really into asian looking animals
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
you never un-have a 4some
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize