omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
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I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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