At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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