sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
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My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
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