I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
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He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
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Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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