I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
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TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
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I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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