I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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