it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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