Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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