I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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