I smell stomach acid.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize