She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize