Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
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I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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