He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
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I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
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he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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