Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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