I just pynch a tree in the face
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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