Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
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It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
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I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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