Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
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I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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