You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she peed on how many people?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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