Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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